Hopeful dreams & reality catching up!

These weird dreams don’t fade away! Where Tathaya is alive in scenarios that never happened & clicking pictures together in places we’ve never been! However, reality catches up from somewhere in the corner of the head that he’s no more and that this isn’t real but that small hope that keeps waiting for reality to be a dream and dream to be the reality doesn’t stop. Does it?

Covid & Death!

Dealing with Death through Covid.

The worst part of dealing with death through covid is the part where I was isolated. I had no one to grieve along with, (I still don't) I didn't know what my family was going through, I couldn't hold someone and cry out while sharing what my grandpa meant to me. I was in a blank state. It's been a month and still, I'm not brave enough to even cry in front of my parents. I'm lonely, I miss my grandpa and I don't know what to do. He is the only grandpa I have and no one can even be half of what he is to me.

I love him, I miss him, I can't accept that he's gone. The hurt only gets worse as the days pass. 

Buried with barriers!

Thoughts after visiting Grandpa's grave for the first time. 

Me & Tathaya

 "You know, many authors have written about the love between grandparents & their grandchildren but nobody concluded it because of the kind of bond they share," Tathaya said. I never asked why but I know it now!  It's because there is no start or end to it. I don't remember how I met Tathaya, but I remember tathaya treating me as if the world revolved around me and that what we shared was unique to us. And now, I think he'll be sad and pout if I don't visit him often just like he did when I got busy! And till we meet again, the pause is only on my side.

I love you Grandpa. You will always be my Bangaru konda & you will never be replaced.

Tathaya's Mom.

 “She was beautiful,” he said while taking out some malai that just formed on the boiling milk. He massaged it casually across the palms while saying, “My mother’s hands were always shining, even though they were always exposed to the harsh kitchen heat.” 

When I asked how, he replied: “Bangaru konda, This is what she did! She rubbed malai on her hands and washed it off with water! You should try it too. It’ll help!” while washing his hands.

My Grandpa loved his mom, he was fond of her, he had an emotion that I never understood when he spoke of her, but now, every time I talk about him, I have it too

“He forced himself into me, breaking more than just my body!”

Zevona fell in love with Uday, who was 10 years older than her. She knew he was married before, she faced a lot, she was stalked, assaulted and raped, and 5 years later, Uday comforted her! She found comfort in him and trusted him with everything she had. Moving to a different city, The only thing that made her hanging out in Hyderabad was Uday.

‘He Isn’t like that boy who abused me! Every man isn’t the same, Rishoniy!” “He likes me, he seeks consent, I feel safe, I feel happy,” She told me when she decided to move in and live with him. I still regret not stopping her. 

It all started when she stopped attending classes, she wouldn’t revert, she deleted her social media accounts, changed all her phone numbers, every text said, “I’m busy, will call ya later!” 

A month later, I was angry that my best friend wouldn’t talk to me. I decided to visit her home, Yup, All was safe! The calls were notable less and I had very little information on the relationship status. I was still angry because I thought she was falling for him too deep and I’m left all alone! 

But what I didn’t realize that she had. Been locked up in the house. Her phone was always with Uday, he locked her up when he went out! And when he came back, she was his sex toy! Used merely for pleasure, nothing more. 

“He isn’t like the boy who assaulted me. Uday seeks consent, He’s matured, I trust him Rishoniy.” These were the exact words Zevona told me when I told her that it was too soon to Move-in with him! All before I knew that Uday was married, had a son, and is 10 years older than my best friend. She made a choice and I had to respect her! That’s all my head knew. 

Soon after she moved in, she avoided me The only replies were “I’m busy, will call ya tomorrow!” That tomorrow didn’t come until a week ago! I got a call from an unknown number that said, “Hey Girl! I’m safe right now,….He forced himself into me, breaking more than just my body!”

The three months before the lockdown, she was locked home, her phone taken away from her, any call by her parents would be only on speaker under the supervision of Uday, and a little more than this would be rewarded by being trashed against the wall. Her family hadn’t had the slightest of doubts. 

For months, Uday locked Zevona up in the house when he went out for work, Besides, she was monitored by his friend the rest of the day and when he came home, She was his sex toy! Be it any day, on a regular day, when she was on her period, There was no difference. She was his sex slave! 

The summary of what happened during this time:

1 She was diagnosed with genital herpes (The sex wouldn’t stop even then. Her exact words, “The doctor suggest me to put ice down there because of the pain, And this monster wouldn’t stop. I cried, I beg and then I gave up!”) That was when she stopped loving him! 

2 She got pregnant (Uday calmed that the baby was someone else’s!) 

3 She got an abortion 

4 Got beaten almost every week

She finally escaped to a different state, to stay back with her parents! 

Imagine her being stuck with Uday during the lockdown. The thought brings me chills! 

Many women face violence from there boyfriends, husbands, bro-in-law’s. All of them surpassed into fear. But fear of what? 

I’m sure the saying “To live anyhow is better than not to" doesn’t work to anyone who is being abused! Speak out! Seek help. Love blinds things, but it’s not worth it! 

P.S Names changed, The whole story isn’t mentioned here, if you wanna know more, dm! 

The Devadasi System!

As the name Devadasi suggests, Deva means God and Dasi means Slave or servant (Lit. translated servants/slave of God) In any religion, A servant of God is respected and honored at the highest carder possible! And same was with the Devadasis. These women were married off to an Idol in the temple as soon as they hit puberty and lived a virgin life worshipping the gods through their dance. Although many of these girls were Dalits, They had a respectful place in the society, even to the extent of being invited to bless the marriages and their mere presence was considered auspicious!

However, the devadasis were forced into sexual activities, most of which started during the British-colonial period. As much a demeaning situation was one couldn't distinguish a Devadasi from a street hogger. They were exploited by their dance teachers, landlords to every idiotic man in the village!

The Devadasi system was a classic example of once legal but forced prostitution and women exploitation in India. This was outlawed in 1988, additionally, the IPC's that eliminating human trafficking come in handy, rescuing these women. Though many families that come down from the genealogy of devadasis aren't respected in the rural area, they are exploited and abused, some still treated as harlots!

In a small discussion with a friend, she said, that devadasis had sexual relations with consent before they were exploited. The British believed in having sexual relations only among the married couple, and rest were banned! And so, the fall of devadasis started! However, in the end, The devadasi families were exploited and kids born of them, Both girls and boys, were forced to be prostitutes and gigolos. 

Respecting our culture includes respecting our devadasi families else, we would be mere hypocrites.